MUN Party

Today after school, it was the start of MUNESCO—a 3 day conference, Model United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization.
We spent about two hours running around in our formal clothing. Ezgi was trying to hand out their cards and booklets to people in our country, and I decided to help her by tagging along and carrying the badges. We talked to a few people—some new, some friends, some from past schools or last years MUNESCO—and time passed.
Then came the opening ceremony. It was long and everybody was giving speeches. I think my friends did a wonderful job on theirs, I congratulate you! Note passing was allowed at some point, and I noticed all the notes were between Indonesia (my country) and Palestine (a country represented by other school friends). By all I mean every single one.
Of course noting got banned and I never got my note back from my friend. I was really sad. Oh well.
After that, we got onto busses and went to Bilkent Hotel. It was dinner time! We ate nice food, blah blah, the fun part came when we started something.
They were playing the song "Stereo Heart" in the background, and we were singing along. Soon some peeps were talking to the man playing the music, and we were mingling on the dance floor. A couple people joined us, and suddenly a huge crowd of people were surrounding us. All dancing, all singing (more like shouting) along with the songs.
It was fun not only because we were dancing, but because we were all strangers having fun together, not judging, all doing the same thing and enjoying it.
We started MUNESCO like this, I hope it continues in the same warm and fun way.

Occurrences

Ahhhhhhh! My blogging habit is disintegrating.
This is a busy week, I've had two exams so far.
Señora Berna is extremely nice and she postponed the exam she had arranged months ago, so I only have to worry about math.
I'm in 607 Math, which isn't exactly HL but we do things faster than the other classes and we learn more details. Mr. Ufuk says the course isn't HL but we are HL students, which is motivating, but when we get the exams it can be terrifying. I didn't get my usual grade in the last exam, so I'm worried for this one too. I studied though. The topic is trigonometry and similarity, and I really have to look beyond what is shown in diagrams to solve the question. Also some problems are hard to understand, and unless you get them you can't solve them. Oh well.
We're also dealing with MUNESCO this week. I'm sure it'll be fun, but honestly writing resolutions isn't my favorite assignment. You have to think about many things and mention them all in the right way.

In English class we're reading Julius Caesar. I think it's fun and interesting, but I prefer reading the book instead of the white board. For some reason I don't like reading books or comics—actually comics is fine since they're pretty rare—on a screen. I like having the book in my hands, able to mark it, I like the smell of books, I like their existence. So I'm going to dig through my locker and find the book.

Something I think is very cool is that I caught my favorite legendary Pokemon, which is a bird Pokemon named Articuno. It was funny, I started my attempts at the beginning of Spanish class and continued till the end of MUNESCO practice, with my friends trying to help me and motivate me. I caught it at my fourth try when nobody was around, so I was just randomly cheering and waving my arms, and the only person at the table was staring at me.
Worth it.

Rooooaaaaaarr!

Hmph. I've had a bad week. And I'm going to have a worse one next week.
I need to talk to a friend about something.
And do homework. And study.
I was not writing this blog entry to complain, but in the end that's all it's going to be.
I forgot my biology books at school. CLEVER. I have an exam tomorrow. I need to study with someone.
I woke up today, no problems, but then I stood, and my foot began aching. But not a little bit of aching, like "HEY BEGUM I'M HERE TO TORTURE YOU HEH HEH HEH!" kind of unbearable aching. As some peeps might know I have a problem with my right leg, and to treat it I have bandages on it sometimes. I had that on today. I took it off and I have this red spot on my foot which hurts a lot. The positive side of that is I get to lie in bed and not move and order people around. Yup. Now it hurts less, and I don't have to skip on one leg, I can actually limp.

Little bad things keep happening but for some reason I don't mind them.

I want to send something to the Lit Mag.
But I don't know what! I have a couple short stories. I liked that one I wrote about the archer. It was rather long... Oh well, I'll look through my writings and perhaps write something special.

I want a new Pokemon game to play at the Spring Break. If I get good grades on the exams I'll have the game in a week or two. Yay.

Short, but I think I said what I wanted to.

In the chaos of grief and remorse that filled his mind it was the one articulate word. (14) Death brings awareness of God.

The quote, “In the chaos of grief and remorse that filled his mind it was the one articulate word.” is describing the Savage. Soon after Linda’s death, the only thing the Savage can say is “God”. Unlike the society, the Savage is aware of religion, and he himself is religious. The only person he had a deep connection with was Linda, and when he lost her, he turned to the only being who remained for him: God.
Our classmate though of the thematic statement “Death brings awareness of God.”, by interpreting the quote and its context. I completely agree with this statement, but I believe there are more things to be said.
The Savage called out for God, because he had lost everything but himself, and his belief. He depended on God, nothing more.
I think ‘death’ is too specific. It is not only death which might bring us this close to God
I myself am more agnostic than Muslim, but I have some knowledge about this topic.
I’ve heard that you’re closest to God when you’re ill, or in a very bad situation. Especially when you’ve got no one else to depend on, no one but this supreme being you can’t see, hear, feel, but can believe in.
Death of course is a terrible and painful thing, but I believe it’s not death itself that brings you awareness of God, it’s the events leading up to it and its aftermath. Hopelessness, agony, sorrow, followed by loneliness, aimlessness, it is the feeling of being lost that makes ‘God’ the one articulate word.

Ugh...
I'm feeling rather worried and tired.
I was writing my thoughts on a statement on the Google doc., but I realized the topic was too religious for me to talk about it and if I say anything wrong it would be bad.
So I'm trying to find something else to write about, but I have no idea which one to pick. I can't think, I'm brain-dead and sad and tired and I want to break my computer in half violently and then sleep.
I couldn't do any MUN research either.
I just want to get ill so I can't come to school tomorrow.

I want to be optimistic and think 'Every obstacle is there for you to improve yourself!' and 'This is no problem, at least you're homeless!' but I just can't.

And there's no one on chat. No one I can talk to to calm myself. Except imaginary friends and plushies. Yes, I haven't talked to my imaginary friends in a long time.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mea Culpa

"Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa."
"My fault, my fault, my most grievous fault."

I'm reading School for Gods by Stefano D'ana for ethics class. The phrase 'mea culpa' is from the second chapter, part 10. I might not have translated correctly for I'm reading it in Turkish. The book is about a man who meets this being named the Dreamer, and how he changes and many things about life.
Mrs. Ayşe assigned me this book, telling me I was mature enough to understand it. Honestly I only picked it because she said that and I thought it might refer to mythology.
It does mention heroes and demigods, not their deeds, but why they are remembered now. The book talks about how we control the world around us, and things that happen are just like mirror reflections of us. We can only call ourself "I" when we know ourself.
It's a very hard and long book, and words and ideas are being stuffed into my mind. I think it's rather complicated and definitely not written for young adults. But I've learned things from the book too. I can't say what, but I feel a little different, and I look at things differently. I'm—perhaps—wiser.
It's interesting to read, but I do wish I picked something easier.

A lot of pigeons have visited my windowsill today. Their visits are short, and our eyes meet only once or twice before they take off. They're very cautious. I placed some food for them a few minutes ago. I do that very often. It puts a smile on my face when they move their heads in that way that they do and look to see if I'm doing anything. They're not the most intelligent organisms on Earth, but I'm fascinated by them. In places where you can buy seeds from street vendors to feed the pigeons, I always do, and I feel like I have this connection with the birds stumbling around my feet. They're just in it for the food, and maybe I'm just sounding stupid.
Whenever I see a pigeon I get distracted from whatever I'm doing and cannot return to my work before saying "Pigeon." and staring at it until I'm satisfied.

That was random.
Lately I've been trying to contain my anger and enjoying everything that happens. It's working out well, but stress still manages to break my walls and upset me.
I hate homework on the weekends. I absolutely, purely, hate it, despise it.
And I don't hate things often.

Hmm. That's pretty much it...

~Chubby Pigeon Out.

Thoughts

Good evening.

Uhhh, I've been awfully lazy this week...
Wednesday and Thursday were snow holidays. I wish Friday was too...
Anyway, I was looking at the Google Doc we edited in class today, and I've had a hard time writing a theme statement for my quote.
So here's a thought list to help me:
There are prices to pay for freedom. *
When everything around you is the same, your uniqueness will be like the moonlight in the night. Bright, enlightening, and standing out.
When everyone around you is unconsciously imprisoned, and you search for freedom, they will all oppose you.
The battle for freedom is a hard one.
You have to fight for freedom.
When a significant event occurs in your life, you realize many things.

*I have this emotional connection with this one. Why? Because I've been drawing a comic about the past of a minor character I created (and I love him) and I made a cover for it. The title is "Flight", and below it I wrote "There are prices to pay for freedom."
He has a pretty sad story, I think. And I'm only at the beginning too... It's going to get worse. I should go and draw more for the comic.

Yup, I'm going with the first one. Lets go edit the doc then...Hah ha, I have no idea how to save this...Oh okay, apparently it saves automatically.

Yaaaaayyyy!

I watched Hugo! I think it was amazing! And very emotional too...I almost cried at least twice. The actors were amazing, jokes were hilarious, and I couldn't guess anything that was going to happen! Effects were just...wow... I now understand why they won an Oscar.

I don't know what else to say. I want to skip school next week because I have to finish a project and it's going to be very hard.

Well, I'll go draw a bit more. Good night!