Aunt Tam's Journal #2

For a few days I'd been hearing that Que was back. I didn't believe them. Why would she come back? Where had she been?
I passed by her house one day, but the doors were closed. I just assumed she wasn't there, and all the things the villagers were mumbling angrily were just rumors.
She upsets me, of course, but I have no grudge against her. She appears to be just a pawn of her malicious brother.
I wonder where she went. I wonder if she's seen my brother.
I wonder if she's seen that traitor Chinh. Has he poisoned her mind with his corrupted, impossible dreams?

One night, I learned what the villagers were saying was true. She was back. A resentful, raging crowd was trying to burst open her house's front gates.
Should I do something? Should I not?
Was she guilty?

I found myself standing in between the mob and the shelter of her home. I found myself defending her, the poor, pure woman, who had suffered just as much as any of us.
There are some things that cannot be returned. Somethings that are lost cannot be recovered. And what if the thing you lost has a mind of its own? How will you possibly know where he has gone?
And even if you do, how will you ever take him back? With a red bird watching over your shoulder, ready to peck out the eyes of anyone who opposes it, say Que, what will you do? I have hope in you yet.

(Once again I apologize for posting very little, but I will try to write more this week as my arm hurts a little less.)

Aunt Tam's Journal #1

My brother has left. He'll go somewhere safe, I hope.
He's always been kind and caring. I guess it is because of this that he cannot live with this humiliation.
Do men have more honour so that it may be wounded, or are women simply stronger to bear the lashing, I wonder.
I do not know how to act to Que. She is not the one at fault here, but sadly left on the wrong side. If I tell her where my brother Ton is, someone might hear and go after him. I will put my and my family's survival as my biggest priority. I'll bear Chinh's whip of words. I'll pretend to accept what he deems me to be, so that I may live to rebuild our lost honour. Hard times shall pass eventually.
Poor Que. Poor, poor Que. How hard it must be to be in such a dilemma. It appears to be a dilemma, yet she has no choice at all.
Blood of the family runs thick, and her brother is good with words.

They seemed so happy, too... Ton and her... How unfair life can be.

(I'm sorry this is very short but my arm feels like it's going to burn up and fall off whenever I type soooo..)

Reflective Statement: The Thief and the Dogs

The Thief and the Dogs took place in a country I knew very little of. I’d been interested in Egyptian mythology since a younger age, but that wasn’t even close to life in modern Egypt. I didn’t know much about how people were treated based on their genders, religions, or affiliations, and knew nothing of their laws at the time.

As I read the book, I began to learn about the Egyptian culture during the 1950s.  In the text, there were references to the 1952 Revolution in Egypt, and other events and leaders of the time.

Our interactive oral did not necessarily address the current political situations in Egypt, but instead involved a lot of the laws and gender roles. Our class created a model court, where the rightful custodian of Sana was to be chosen by the judge. Each student took the role of either a character, an advocate, the judge, or a UN representative. Being one of the UN representatives, my duty was to make sure the session was faithful to the Declaration of Human Rights. This duty was very beneficial for me because I had to research this Declaration, along with the laws of 1950s’ Egypt.

We generally researched child custody laws, and discovered that the mother has the right to keep her child until the child is of a certain age. But this rule becomes unimportant if the mother has done something against the law. The fact that Nabawiya, Said’s former wife, cheated on him with Ilish Sidra, meant that she could not keep Sana.

The overall process fit the articles of the Declaration of Human Rights, and was very ethical. The only problems were that some witnesses did not get balanced interviews from both sides, and this might come off as unfair. Perhaps our research of Egyptian courts could be more in-depth and detailed.  I was never really familiar with processes in a courtroom, so I would have liked to do more research on that.

The model court was a great experience because although it got frustrating at times, it was a realistic debate situation where you had to listen to everybody carefully to catch any flaws in what the witnesses and advocates say. Overall the process was very useful because I got to learn about a different culture’s laws, which helped grow my understanding of the book itself.

Sadly I Have No Witty Title Ideas

My original duty for the Festival of the Arts that took place in our school last Wednesday, was to sell things elementary school students had made. When I arrived at my location of duty, I learned that there was help needed in the 'ebru' room. So I flew on my dragon to the dungeon at the bottom floor of the high school, where I was faced with formidable enemies: excited children.

Ebru, also called paper marbling, is an interesting way to paint paper. You have to drop paint onto a water-like medium in a tank, and produce designs by moving or dragging things along this medium.

I had done ebru before, but I was far too young to remember it. The art teacher present in the room, quickly told me the instructions of this unique artform. This was quite a challenge for me, as I still had no idea what I was doing, and I did not like communicating with children. Thankfully though, my friends and I managed to lead the kids through the process, and I even learned how to pull the paper off the tray properly. It was sort of like a magic show, where they put in the ingredient, and you cast the spell, creating a moment of suspense and then showing them all the beauty (or ugliness, depending on the colours they picked... oh oops maybe I shouldn't have said that) that they have created.
Soon enough we discovered how to make flower patterns and which colour combinations looked best, and I could say we had mastered it within an hour.

So I guess the point of this all is: although things seem unfamiliar and scary, if you stay open to new challenges and stand brave, you can do anything.

A design Ezgi and I created.  

Two of our 'ebru's, in the process of drying.

Nyctophobia

What makes us afraid of the dark?

Why

do I tell myself not to look back 

as I walk around at midnight?

Why is the smallest light comforting,

and the chatter of the TV reassuring?

What is it reassuring me of?

Speak to me

oh mechanical creature 

sing to me 

in your many different tones 

the baritone of an anchorman 

the soprano of a show host 

why do you soothe me?

And why do the lamps seem like 

miniature stars? And I a planet? 

What am I running from? 

What tells my heart to fear? 

Why am I terrified of you, darkness?

Because you are either everything

or you are nothing. 

And both are equally horrifying. 

------

Well. While I was writing this, the lights went out. 

And I was listening to a song called 'Daughters of Darkness'.

It was absolutely terrifying. As if the electricity in the building read the poem and decided to play a prank on me. Thanks a lot. 

Estimates of the Subconscious Mind

(This is a draft! I will update this blog entry with the final version soon.)

Dreams are portals into the creative subconscious of a person. In our dreams we see the depths of our thoughts, and face seemingly impossible scenarios as if they’re everyday events. It’s usually said that dreams have meanings behind them, and many things seen in our dreams represent ideas, wishes, desires, or just the imagination of a person. Although dreams tend to be rather ambiguous and have unrealistic happenings, sometimes they feature ideas, scenes, or emotions that make sense to us.

Said Mahran, the main character of Naguib Mahfouz’s novel, The Thief and the Dogs, is obsessed with having revenge on the people he claims to have betrayed him. He is newly released from prison, and the only thing he seems to be doing is plotting his retaliation against his enemies. In chapter 8 of the novel, finding shelter by the side of the Sheikh after killing a man, Said has a dream that is closely related to his current life and emotions.

In his dream, Said first sees himself back in jail, being whipped. This might show how in his unconscious thoughts know that he killed someone and this is a crime, and therefore he must be punished.

Then, he sees his daughter Sana whipping his mentor, Rauf at the bottom of a staircase. I think there are many symbols here. Sana might stand for his desires and yearnings. It was unrealistic of Said to assume a small girl would love him, or even remember him, after 4 years of separation. So from the start, I think Sana stood as an idea: the idea of him reaching his goals and satisfying himself. The image that Rauf is being whipped at the bottom of the staircase might symbolize how Said now thinks that he is better than Rauf, and Rauf will remain below him and be punished. Sana being the one to whip Rauf shows how Said’s passion for revenge will prevail over his betrayers.

The way he starts shooting without a direction is a possible reference to his previous and future murders, where he ended up blindly killing two innocent people. Or perhaps how he’s still searching for a direction to lead his life in, which would relate to how the Sheikh keeps asking for his ID, and he doesn’t seem to have one, or simply refuses to give it.

His participation in a car chase while in a car that does not work shows that no matter how hard he will try to reach his goals, his violence will hold him back. The malfunctioning engine of the car, which would possibly work if he chose to approach his situation in a different way, represents his brutality and inability to control his anger. This idea is supported by the constant mentioning of the Quran, which is most likely expressing how Said’s subconscious desires to be a better person, but he simply will not let go of his detrimental past habits.

This dream is used to expand on Said’s current state, both in the plot and as a person. It’s very interesting to interpret, as it seems to foreshadow events, and also remind the reader of past occurrences. The dream is separated into many parts which make little sense when put together, but it’s easy to understand that it truly is a collection of  Said’s thoughts and feelings… even those he’s not aware of himself, which is the case in many dreams. 

Revenge

A burning heart is a heart that's been consumed by emotions and deprived of all logic. When someone has a burning heart, they are ruled by their feelings, and make decisions without really thinking about their consequences. Said, in The Thief and the Dogs by Naguib Mahfouz, has this problem. His hunger for revenge has blinded him. He cannot understand the fact that in 4 years people can change, and accept that this is simply an inevitable part of life. Just because he refuses to change does not mean everybody around him must stay the same as well. Said is selfish, and refuses to comprehend that the world does not revolve around him, and his relatives are actually separate individuals like himself and not objects that he has possession over. Because of this selfishness, he seeks a revenge he claims will let him find freedom and security. He seems to believe that he is just and right in all matters. Nothing he does is wrong. Even when he learns he's killed an innocent man by accident, he does not react. He is not upset a man is dead, but rather angry that he hasn't succeeded in achieving his vengeance. He's so consumed by this emotions that he convinces himself that his daughter must love him (although it's extremely unlikely she even recalls his face after 4 years) and ignores anything that contradicts this belief. His burning heart keeps pushing him on, and on, to repeat the mistakes he's done in the past. It burns like the sun he wakes up to every morning, and leads him on a fixated, instinctive path, so that he may turn into ashes.