Internal Strength?

A few months ago I was diagnosed with tendonitis on my arms which resulted from overworking myself. My muscles have healed by now, but occasionally when I write too fast I can feel them straining.
This would suggest that I don't have enough muscle in my arms. And I believe this is true, as when I flex them there's not much to see.
But there's something I don't really understand.
I have a power of lifting things I would think impossible. I can carry people heavier than me, and carry many other things people deem heavy. Yes, it's true that I can't carry people around for too long, or my arms get tired rather easily, but how can I lift all these things in the first place?
I used to think my back was strong because of horse riding, but this idea slowly shifted:
could people have a mental strength that allows them to do things their body puts limits on? Can I carry these things only because I have the willpower to do so?
Then how strong is the spirit?

This reminds me of the Green Lantern comics. They have the cheesiest concepts, but one really impressed me. Green represents willpower. Blue represents hope. Blue lanterns are the most powerful lanterns, but they cannot access most of their powers unless they're in the presence of a green lantern. Because hope will not do anything without will.
This relates to my previous post as well.
Perhaps the power to do anything exists in us, but we only need to conjure the will to do something with it. And if we have enough, we can do anything, and everything that breaks the boundaries around us.

Inquiry no. 2

We have so much power. Society has so much power. Governments have so much power. We have so much power we're destroying the world with it.
If we have so much power, why is life this way?
Why must there be only two paths in life?
Why must we go to school?
Why must we get a job?
Why get married?
Why have a family?
Why put so much stress on teenagers during their 'best years of life'? 
Why is life this way?
We have enough power to change it.
But why don't we?

Lexicons and Languages

I've been up to a lot of stuff concerning languages, so I thought it'd be nice to blog about my 'adventures'.

I am greatly amused by 'fandom language', so I decided to share some of these words that one must know to survive on the Internet.

Firstly, a fandom is basically the group of fans of a certain TV show, comic book, novel, or really anything that someone can be a fan of (yes, sports included... I suppose...). I like to think that the word is a play on fan and kingdom, which would make sense because fandoms always tend to 'discuss' which is the better fandom.
On the modern Interweb, there are many websites where fans congregate to discuss...fandom things. You may run across comments like: 'OMG OTP' or 'SINK THAT SHIP!!' and end up very, very confused.
Here is a small dictionary.
The meanings for these are my interpretations so not all of these might be true!
Now for the words:

Canon — Not to be confused with cannon, canon means something that is true to and official in a story 

Fanon— An idea that is commonly accepted among fans, but is not canon.

Headcanon — An idea that is canon in the mind of one person. This may spread to the entire fandom, but it generally is small. For example, people have headcanon voices for characters in comics. 

Ship — Short for relationship, a ship is basically a pairing in a romantic relationship, which does not have to be canon. A canon ship is Ron and Hermione in the Harry Potter series. A not canon ship is Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.
OTP — Stands for 'One True Pairing', I'm not quite sure how this makes sense. If a ship is someone's OTP, it means that this couple is their favourite.
Pairing Name — a name put together using the names of characters in a ship, for example (I just made this one up) Gandriel for Gandalf and Galadriel
Genderswap/Rule 63 —Self-explanatory, when a character's gender is swapped.
Mary Sue — An exaggeratedly perfect character, generally representing the author (mostly in fanfiction, but can be seen in published books nowadays too).
AU — Stands for alternate universe, where the characters are placed into another context. Some examples are Space AUs, High School AUs, zombie apocalypse AUs, etc.
OC — original character
OOC — out of character, generally used when a roleplayer is speaking as themselves, but not the character they're roleplaying

I believe that's enough for now :)

Now more about languages.
I ran into a website that taught Japanese. I decided to give it learning it a try, because I was curious about Japanese after watching so many anime series. So I started teaching myself Japanese. I only got through a few lessons, but I can now talk about names, ask what something is, and tell someone that something is mine. It's quite fun but I don't have that much time to work on it, sadly. Here is a link for the website.

Also, since my comic takes place in space, this suggests that the inhabitants of the planet would have their own language. This is actually something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I've actually been thinking about words and grammar rules. So I'm slowly creating my own language, which will hopefully function well! I also have a bit of an alphabet worked out but I have like 5 letters in each sketchbook I own so I have to put them together. This is quite an interesting process! Maybe I should look into how Tolkien invented elvish...

Acceptance

Usually my mind is full of thoughts, and it feels like everything inside is pushing against my skull trying to overcome the equal pressure from the outside air. But sometimes, something clicks in my brain and the overworked machine shut down and rests in a confusing silence. Then, I start to observe. I look around. First, I hear the wind bellowing melodically. Then a bird sings (or it had been singing all along but I only listened now). I smell dust, but I also smell flowers. When I look up, my eyes are blinded by colours and details. Reds, and all shades of oranges on the trees and the withering grass. The crunching of leaves echoes in my mind. Autumn. Cold, smooth, eerie, terrifyingly beautiful. And in the summer, I see a glamorous mix of vibrant leaves glittering like emeralds and the pink bougainvilleas of Bodrum, and in the distance the sea is stretching far and only being separated from the setting sun and lingering fire by a line of land taken over by ugly construction, which at this time doesn't seem so ugly. Hot, sticky, sweaty, but also very calm. For a few minutes, I feel bigger than I am but also smaller than I am. My body is insignificant. But my soul stretches as far as the sea in Bodrum does. Far and deep, into the core of life and nature. I feel like a part of it. I feel woven in the thread of life. I feel alive. I feel holy. Yet this is always interrupted by an urban noise, be it the sliding of a door or the humanely obnoxious voice of a person, it is always interrupted.

Divided

Above is my life approximately separated into 4 parts.
I wanted to draw each quarter in my art style at that phase, but I really only have 2 art styles (the ones one the bottom) so I just tried something different.
Sadly my scanner did a rather poor job when transferring this image, so my brown hair looks black, and some colours don't even show! But I will upload it again at a better quality later.

Elementary Enthusiasm — Between the ages of 1 and 7 I was a rather quiet and stubborn child, as far as I know. I was obedient but terribly shy. I don't remember too much of it, but one memory that really stuck to me is how once I got yelled at in kindergarden for not finishing my food, and the teacher seemed to be sitting on a giant throne. I guess I was aware of most adults' 'superiority' at quite a young age. I was in the gymnastics team in elementary school, and dropping out is one of my biggest regrets now. I remember I was always the game maker in the way that I created an entire universe of characters and concepts so my friends and I could play something interesting every time. My favorite colour was dark navy because I really liked Sonic the Hedgehog and he happened to be the same colour.

Challenging Changes — In 3rd grade I changed schools to BLIS (or BUPS, as it used to be called). This was quite difficult for me because my English wasn't so good, and I wasn't so good at making friends. But I studied hard with a teacher I still treasure now and we read books and wrote stories using new words I'd learnt. I guess she was who got me interested in writing, and for that I'm grateful. This part of my life, up to 7th grade, was full of changes in my personality and my interests. By the end of this phase I had a stable friend group and a set personality.

Foolish Fiascos — I made quite a lot of mistakes and bad choices here, but I do not regret them as they helped me become who I am now. In 7th grade I started making more friends, and had a quite happy life going (excluding the constant arguments I had with one of my good friends over silly things). We loved to go outside and run around forests playing capture the flag with wooden swords. Though this pretty much fell apart in 8th grade. I made new friends, but near the end of the year I made a huge mistake by pushing them away. 9th grade was a part of my life I really treasure because I made so many mistakes, but had so many learning opportunities from these. I was friends with the wrong person, I was a weak and gullible girl who still hoped to see the good in people. This caused me to be a bitter and angry person, and although I can dim these feelings down I am still a little resentful. The real fiasco in this 'era' made me push myself away from everybody and everything else. Though this alone time allowed me to truly understand myself, and be my own best friend. I also felt like relying on others would only end in disappointment, so if I did not trust somebody fully I would never, ever depend on them again.

Standing Up — This title does not have an alliteration, and I am not standing up in the picture, I'm crouching. But that's the whole point. This part of my life breaks away from the others. It's different, because I am much more aware of my actions and their effects. I have taken up art as my passion in life, and always found peace in it. This phase is called Standing Up because I am standing up for myself. I'm doing what I want to do (for the most part) and being honest with people. I am standing up for my opinions, my emotions, my personality, and everything else about me. I have accepted myself as a person with my good traits and my flaws, and made peace with everything. Yet one thing I can never stop doing is bottling things up, which is why I have a bottle of darkness, and probably will always carry one around.

The World is Full of Lies

The biggest lie I've been told until today:

I went to see 47 Ronin with Ezgi last Friday... and boy was it a disappointment.
So here are a few photos of the reason I wanted to watch this movie:

This photo above is of him removing make up put on him to hide his tattoos. 

This man, Rick Genest, has tattoos all over his body. He is a cancer survivor, and rather epic.
When I saw him on the promotional posters of the movie, I knew he'd be an interesting character.
There were four posters featuring different characters. This man was on one of them, so you'd think he's a rather main character.
I thought this movie would be epic, with superb character design and an interesting plot.
Now I won't say it was a disappointment all together (the female villain was awesome, and the story wasn't so cliche), but... this man, this man on the posters, had less than 1 minute of screen time. We saw him only once, and he said something I really don't recall in a cool accent, but that was it.
This is a terrible lie. Please don't do this again.

Update (I suppose)

Currently my life seems to be slipping out of my hands, too fast for me to grasp. I feel like my mind is being bombarded with peoples opinions, emotions, and many facts (most of them useless).
I did not make a post on New Year because it seems to have lost its value for me. Another year. So what? It is only a measure of time.
Time. Everybody is clawing at me, trying to take my time. Because they don't have enough themselves. All I want is time for myself. Not time for homework that shouldn't even be homework (seriously, what is class time for? I've noticed teachers aren't using classes that effectively this year...), not time for cleaning my room or doing chores, not time for yelling at adults because they do not understand me (and they can never understand me, because we belong in different timelines, and they cannot accept the fact that the world has moved on). I want time for myself. I want so much time that it's stupid to even try to measure it.
I don't want deadlines. I want to be able to relax when doing a task, and do my best instead of rushing it and doing a mediocre job.

Something interesting:
The MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)
This is basically a personality test which describes your personality in 4 words.
Mine (depending on a test I took online) is INFJ. My 4 words are:

• Introverted (quite extremely)
• Intuitive
• Feeling
• Judging

A description I liked of this personality type is "They like poetic justice." which is quite true. Also, they are artistic ( ;) ). INFJ is known as 'The Protector'. 

As I enjoy horoscopes (though I don't believe them) I enjoy personality tests as well, and this one is rather accurate, so I recommend people to take a free test just for the fun of it. 

I don't have much more to say. I'm sorry this was quite a random blog entry.

I will be posting much more content related to class next week. I did not post much in the holiday because I was angrily working on my comic (painting takes a long, long time) and oversleeping to waste half my day.