Sadly I Have No Witty Title Ideas

My original duty for the Festival of the Arts that took place in our school last Wednesday, was to sell things elementary school students had made. When I arrived at my location of duty, I learned that there was help needed in the 'ebru' room. So I flew on my dragon to the dungeon at the bottom floor of the high school, where I was faced with formidable enemies: excited children.

Ebru, also called paper marbling, is an interesting way to paint paper. You have to drop paint onto a water-like medium in a tank, and produce designs by moving or dragging things along this medium.

I had done ebru before, but I was far too young to remember it. The art teacher present in the room, quickly told me the instructions of this unique artform. This was quite a challenge for me, as I still had no idea what I was doing, and I did not like communicating with children. Thankfully though, my friends and I managed to lead the kids through the process, and I even learned how to pull the paper off the tray properly. It was sort of like a magic show, where they put in the ingredient, and you cast the spell, creating a moment of suspense and then showing them all the beauty (or ugliness, depending on the colours they picked... oh oops maybe I shouldn't have said that) that they have created.
Soon enough we discovered how to make flower patterns and which colour combinations looked best, and I could say we had mastered it within an hour.

So I guess the point of this all is: although things seem unfamiliar and scary, if you stay open to new challenges and stand brave, you can do anything.

A design Ezgi and I created.  

Two of our 'ebru's, in the process of drying.

Nyctophobia

What makes us afraid of the dark?

Why

do I tell myself not to look back 

as I walk around at midnight?

Why is the smallest light comforting,

and the chatter of the TV reassuring?

What is it reassuring me of?

Speak to me

oh mechanical creature 

sing to me 

in your many different tones 

the baritone of an anchorman 

the soprano of a show host 

why do you soothe me?

And why do the lamps seem like 

miniature stars? And I a planet? 

What am I running from? 

What tells my heart to fear? 

Why am I terrified of you, darkness?

Because you are either everything

or you are nothing. 

And both are equally horrifying. 

------

Well. While I was writing this, the lights went out. 

And I was listening to a song called 'Daughters of Darkness'.

It was absolutely terrifying. As if the electricity in the building read the poem and decided to play a prank on me. Thanks a lot. 

Estimates of the Subconscious Mind

(This is a draft! I will update this blog entry with the final version soon.)

Dreams are portals into the creative subconscious of a person. In our dreams we see the depths of our thoughts, and face seemingly impossible scenarios as if they’re everyday events. It’s usually said that dreams have meanings behind them, and many things seen in our dreams represent ideas, wishes, desires, or just the imagination of a person. Although dreams tend to be rather ambiguous and have unrealistic happenings, sometimes they feature ideas, scenes, or emotions that make sense to us.

Said Mahran, the main character of Naguib Mahfouz’s novel, The Thief and the Dogs, is obsessed with having revenge on the people he claims to have betrayed him. He is newly released from prison, and the only thing he seems to be doing is plotting his retaliation against his enemies. In chapter 8 of the novel, finding shelter by the side of the Sheikh after killing a man, Said has a dream that is closely related to his current life and emotions.

In his dream, Said first sees himself back in jail, being whipped. This might show how in his unconscious thoughts know that he killed someone and this is a crime, and therefore he must be punished.

Then, he sees his daughter Sana whipping his mentor, Rauf at the bottom of a staircase. I think there are many symbols here. Sana might stand for his desires and yearnings. It was unrealistic of Said to assume a small girl would love him, or even remember him, after 4 years of separation. So from the start, I think Sana stood as an idea: the idea of him reaching his goals and satisfying himself. The image that Rauf is being whipped at the bottom of the staircase might symbolize how Said now thinks that he is better than Rauf, and Rauf will remain below him and be punished. Sana being the one to whip Rauf shows how Said’s passion for revenge will prevail over his betrayers.

The way he starts shooting without a direction is a possible reference to his previous and future murders, where he ended up blindly killing two innocent people. Or perhaps how he’s still searching for a direction to lead his life in, which would relate to how the Sheikh keeps asking for his ID, and he doesn’t seem to have one, or simply refuses to give it.

His participation in a car chase while in a car that does not work shows that no matter how hard he will try to reach his goals, his violence will hold him back. The malfunctioning engine of the car, which would possibly work if he chose to approach his situation in a different way, represents his brutality and inability to control his anger. This idea is supported by the constant mentioning of the Quran, which is most likely expressing how Said’s subconscious desires to be a better person, but he simply will not let go of his detrimental past habits.

This dream is used to expand on Said’s current state, both in the plot and as a person. It’s very interesting to interpret, as it seems to foreshadow events, and also remind the reader of past occurrences. The dream is separated into many parts which make little sense when put together, but it’s easy to understand that it truly is a collection of  Said’s thoughts and feelings… even those he’s not aware of himself, which is the case in many dreams. 

Revenge

A burning heart is a heart that's been consumed by emotions and deprived of all logic. When someone has a burning heart, they are ruled by their feelings, and make decisions without really thinking about their consequences. Said, in The Thief and the Dogs by Naguib Mahfouz, has this problem. His hunger for revenge has blinded him. He cannot understand the fact that in 4 years people can change, and accept that this is simply an inevitable part of life. Just because he refuses to change does not mean everybody around him must stay the same as well. Said is selfish, and refuses to comprehend that the world does not revolve around him, and his relatives are actually separate individuals like himself and not objects that he has possession over. Because of this selfishness, he seeks a revenge he claims will let him find freedom and security. He seems to believe that he is just and right in all matters. Nothing he does is wrong. Even when he learns he's killed an innocent man by accident, he does not react. He is not upset a man is dead, but rather angry that he hasn't succeeded in achieving his vengeance. He's so consumed by this emotions that he convinces himself that his daughter must love him (although it's extremely unlikely she even recalls his face after 4 years) and ignores anything that contradicts this belief. His burning heart keeps pushing him on, and on, to repeat the mistakes he's done in the past. It burns like the sun he wakes up to every morning, and leads him on a fixated, instinctive path, so that he may turn into ashes.

Internal Strength?

A few months ago I was diagnosed with tendonitis on my arms which resulted from overworking myself. My muscles have healed by now, but occasionally when I write too fast I can feel them straining.
This would suggest that I don't have enough muscle in my arms. And I believe this is true, as when I flex them there's not much to see.
But there's something I don't really understand.
I have a power of lifting things I would think impossible. I can carry people heavier than me, and carry many other things people deem heavy. Yes, it's true that I can't carry people around for too long, or my arms get tired rather easily, but how can I lift all these things in the first place?
I used to think my back was strong because of horse riding, but this idea slowly shifted:
could people have a mental strength that allows them to do things their body puts limits on? Can I carry these things only because I have the willpower to do so?
Then how strong is the spirit?

This reminds me of the Green Lantern comics. They have the cheesiest concepts, but one really impressed me. Green represents willpower. Blue represents hope. Blue lanterns are the most powerful lanterns, but they cannot access most of their powers unless they're in the presence of a green lantern. Because hope will not do anything without will.
This relates to my previous post as well.
Perhaps the power to do anything exists in us, but we only need to conjure the will to do something with it. And if we have enough, we can do anything, and everything that breaks the boundaries around us.

Inquiry no. 2

We have so much power. Society has so much power. Governments have so much power. We have so much power we're destroying the world with it.
If we have so much power, why is life this way?
Why must there be only two paths in life?
Why must we go to school?
Why must we get a job?
Why get married?
Why have a family?
Why put so much stress on teenagers during their 'best years of life'? 
Why is life this way?
We have enough power to change it.
But why don't we?

Lexicons and Languages

I've been up to a lot of stuff concerning languages, so I thought it'd be nice to blog about my 'adventures'.

I am greatly amused by 'fandom language', so I decided to share some of these words that one must know to survive on the Internet.

Firstly, a fandom is basically the group of fans of a certain TV show, comic book, novel, or really anything that someone can be a fan of (yes, sports included... I suppose...). I like to think that the word is a play on fan and kingdom, which would make sense because fandoms always tend to 'discuss' which is the better fandom.
On the modern Interweb, there are many websites where fans congregate to discuss...fandom things. You may run across comments like: 'OMG OTP' or 'SINK THAT SHIP!!' and end up very, very confused.
Here is a small dictionary.
The meanings for these are my interpretations so not all of these might be true!
Now for the words:

Canon — Not to be confused with cannon, canon means something that is true to and official in a story 

Fanon— An idea that is commonly accepted among fans, but is not canon.

Headcanon — An idea that is canon in the mind of one person. This may spread to the entire fandom, but it generally is small. For example, people have headcanon voices for characters in comics. 

Ship — Short for relationship, a ship is basically a pairing in a romantic relationship, which does not have to be canon. A canon ship is Ron and Hermione in the Harry Potter series. A not canon ship is Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.
OTP — Stands for 'One True Pairing', I'm not quite sure how this makes sense. If a ship is someone's OTP, it means that this couple is their favourite.
Pairing Name — a name put together using the names of characters in a ship, for example (I just made this one up) Gandriel for Gandalf and Galadriel
Genderswap/Rule 63 —Self-explanatory, when a character's gender is swapped.
Mary Sue — An exaggeratedly perfect character, generally representing the author (mostly in fanfiction, but can be seen in published books nowadays too).
AU — Stands for alternate universe, where the characters are placed into another context. Some examples are Space AUs, High School AUs, zombie apocalypse AUs, etc.
OC — original character
OOC — out of character, generally used when a roleplayer is speaking as themselves, but not the character they're roleplaying

I believe that's enough for now :)

Now more about languages.
I ran into a website that taught Japanese. I decided to give it learning it a try, because I was curious about Japanese after watching so many anime series. So I started teaching myself Japanese. I only got through a few lessons, but I can now talk about names, ask what something is, and tell someone that something is mine. It's quite fun but I don't have that much time to work on it, sadly. Here is a link for the website.

Also, since my comic takes place in space, this suggests that the inhabitants of the planet would have their own language. This is actually something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I've actually been thinking about words and grammar rules. So I'm slowly creating my own language, which will hopefully function well! I also have a bit of an alphabet worked out but I have like 5 letters in each sketchbook I own so I have to put them together. This is quite an interesting process! Maybe I should look into how Tolkien invented elvish...