Extended

If I didn't have school
I could paint all day
                cover every wall
                      every inch
                         with a piece of my mind
I could get enough sleep
                 avoid coffee
                     avoid tea
                        avoid sugar
                           and diabetes along with it
I could try cooking
                 learn to survive
                    learn to stand
I could keep up with the news
                 do something about it
I could tell stories
                 share my thoughts
I could play music
                  share my soul
I could have a dog
                and a cat
                  to be friends with my guinea pig
I could go out
                  enjoy the Autumn weather
                    before the snow hits
                      or not
I could rest my soul
                  my mind wouldn't hurt
I could rest my body
                  my back wouldn't hurt
                     my arm wouldn't hurt
I could read
                every book
I could learn
                every opinion
I could do sports
                get healthy
                    get fit
                       so I don't die early
                         so I don't have the back of a 30 year old
                            anymore
If I had time
I would stay in bed
I would feed my stomach
                and my soul
I would live
I would feel alive
I would heal
If I had time
I could master every skill
I could master myself
I could master the world
If I had time

stop lying

stop telling kids evil comes cloaked in black, with horns and smoke
because in the real world evil doesn't come labeled
it comes cloaked in trust
and you can't bear to see it bare
because you never expected it
because evil does not need to name itself
and evil doesn't know its own name

I have broken bones but
suffered no wounds.

I have been lonely but
never been alone.

I have learned that what is real
is not something you can touch
but rather something that touches you.

Tuscany

For some reason unknown, today I thought of my visit to Tuscany. I was there a few years back, and I went unknowing what it was.
A scene really stuck with me.
We visited a farm with a group, and had pasta and wine while staring off at the distance. And what a distance. The farmlands seemed to stretch out forever, while a medieval city marked the horizon line. It was like seeing skyscrapers in the middle of nowhere, only they weren't skyscrapers, but instead stone towers from long ago. Olive trees were lined up with the discipline of a Roman legion, quite fitting as we were indeed in Italy.
I also had 'the World's Best Ice Cream' there, and Italian gelato is famous for a reason.
Now I look back wishing I was brave enough to visit the medieval torture device museums, or went to the city dressed in medieval armor because I felt really out of place in a t-shirt and sneakers.

Introduction and Conclusion to Journals about 'Paradise of the Blind'

I had written the introduction before, but I decided to post them together to see any changes in my thoughts and opinions on the book.

Introduction
Paradise of the Blind, is a book about a young adult named Hang and the problems she faces as she's left between two feuding families. Her uncle Chinh has ruined the lives of her father and aunt. Her mother, Que, seems to be forced to take a side: her brother, or her husband.
I haven't finished the book yet, but I like it so far. Currently the characters have captured my interest, and I'm trying to understand Que's true motives and waiting for her to pick a side. I cannot decide if she is simply a weak-willed character who is easily swayed by manipulative people, or if she submits to her brothers requests because she is holding onto something selfishly in fear that she will lose her family and be left alone.
Currently, my favourite characters are the Bohemian and Aunt Tam. I find the Bohemian interesting because he seems to be neither good nor evil, but he is kind. Also the fact that Hang doesn't refer to him by his real name amuses me. I'm looking forward to seeing his interactions with Hang.
I like Aunt Tam because she is a strong female character, and seeing someone like her in a book about slightly older times is very rare and pleasing. I admire how she appears to be much stronger than her brother, and has reached her goals all on her own. I will write my journal entries from her perspective, because I'd like to learn more about her.


Reflection
Duong Thu Huong's novel, Paradise of the Blind, didn't interest me too much at first. We'd read books that reminded me of this: about family and traditions and food (for example: Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai). What really grasped my attention in the book was the political side, and the characterisations. When I learned what the title meant, that the whole book was basically criticising communism, I was intrigued, because for the whole time I'd thought it was simply a story about a family in Vietnam. Yet it was so much more than that. I started to notice things I hadn't, like how some characters seemed to represent political viewpoints. The family feuds were much bigger than they seemed as well. Chinh and Que seemed to symbolize a side of Vietnam that wanted or gave into communism, and Aunt Tam was one who resisted it and stuck to the old days. Their fight for influence over Hang might have been representing this battle. The 'blind' were the ones who hoped in vain that communism would bring them their paradise.
The presentations in class about the history of Vietnam helped me better understand the story, as before all I knew about the country was its location and that America had had a war there. I found it interesting to learn about a culture so different than anything I'd read about before. Vietnam was not all that similar to China or India as I'd thought it might be. This culture was explained through Hang's elaborate descriptions of food, festivals, opinions, and dialogues between characters about certain events. It was very fun to learn about these things (though 'rice' was probably the most repeated word in the book and it got me thinking how bored I would get if I ate rice as often as these Vietnamese people did).
To write my journal entries for Aunt Tam, I had to read through most of the book again. This way I caught things I'd missed my first time reading through, and I learned much more about the character. She had ambition, hope, and many plans she never talked about until she put them in motion. I tried to capture her possible thoughts as she worked her way from poverty to luxury, and my opinions on her relationship with Hang. I believe she loved Hang, but she also desired to put Hang on the path she wanted, and drive her away from Chinh and Que. She was a mysterious, fair, and inspiring character.
The end of the book really surprised me as well. I liked that in the end Hang kind of went her own way and made her own decisions. She seemed to finally be free from the two women who were constantly trying to pull her one way or the other. I was also very impressed with her skills of dealing with adults who used and manipulated her.
 I enjoyed reading this novel as the author had paced it very well and did not unravel all the mysteries at once. It helped widen my view of the world and educated me on many new things I would most likely not have come across on my own.

Surrender? (Aunt Tam's Journal #9)

I'd been ill for 4 months now. I didn't know what it was. I hadn't gotten ill in 20 years, at least. 

But all of a sudden I had gotten so weak. In the mirror I looked like a skeleton, and my body simply could not contain any food. I was always tired for no reason. I couldn't walk out of bed, I couldn't even sit up without Dua's help. It was utterly demoralizing to be reduced to this. The first two months, I'd been angry with my illness. Dua had to drag me back to bed from the rice paddies many times. I refused to just give up. 

But now it was different. I didn't want to get out of bed ever again. The only time I allowed Dua to lift me out of bed was to go take a bath. I don't know why, but suddenly, the mud and dirt I'd loved for so many years had become repulsing to me. I loved being clean. It was calming to lie in bed after a bath, and I felt like I was floating. 

Yes, I felt very detached. 

I suppose, I just knew I was going to die.

Now all I thought of was Hang. Hang, my dear girl, who had suffered so much because of her useless mother. Que... that woman had abandoned her daughter for the children of that creature she called her brother. I hated them both. But I tried not to think about it. We'd called Hang here. I was going to give her everything I had, so that she could take care of herself because her own mother failed to do so. 

I thought of Ton. I was going to join you soon, brother. But not just yet. I had to see Hang. At least once more. I couldn't go anywhere before I saw her. I was a stubborn lady, even with death. 

Renaissance (Aunt Tam's Journal #8)

"Madame Tam, where shall I place the orchids?"

"Oh, put it by the altar, please."

I didn't look back to check on Dua. I knew she'd do every duty I gave her properly. It had been a very long time since I had trusted anyone so. I suppose it was a nice feeling, to have some sort of company again. 

Que was going to bring Hang, my niece, to me for the first time. We'd been preparing for their visit for a week now, and I spent half of my day at the markets, looking for the best quality meats and fruits, and the other half preparing the house. It was more decorated than usual, and looking at the busy rooms I wondered who I was trying to impress. Was it Que? No, she knew what my house looked like, didn't she? Then was it Hang? But would a child truly care about the beauty of my house? 

I think I was just trying to show Hang the greatness of our family. I knew the poverty she lived in, and I think I just wanted to show her our family was... better. I felt guilty for doing this, but I also knew how Que really wasn't on my side. Ever since Ton had died... no, ever since her brother took everything away from us, Que hadn't truly been a part of our family. But Hang... could be. She had my blood. Our blood. She was family. For the first time in years, I was going to be with my family.

I was in the kitchen, finishing up the preparations when I heard chatter. They had to be here!

I walked out, opening the main door with excitement I hadn't felt in years. My mind completely ignored Dua and Que, and I focused on the child. Fearful, beautiful, so so beautiful. It was like seeing Ton as a little boy again. Just the sight of her warmed my heart, and gave me hope. Life was better. Life was splendid, in fact, and it would just keep getting more and more wonderful.