But all of a sudden I had gotten so weak. In the mirror I looked like a skeleton, and my body simply could not contain any food. I was always tired for no reason. I couldn't walk out of bed, I couldn't even sit up without Dua's help. It was utterly demoralizing to be reduced to this. The first two months, I'd been angry with my illness. Dua had to drag me back to bed from the rice paddies many times. I refused to just give up.
But now it was different. I didn't want to get out of bed ever again. The only time I allowed Dua to lift me out of bed was to go take a bath. I don't know why, but suddenly, the mud and dirt I'd loved for so many years had become repulsing to me. I loved being clean. It was calming to lie in bed after a bath, and I felt like I was floating.
Yes, I felt very detached.
I suppose, I just knew I was going to die.
Now all I thought of was Hang. Hang, my dear girl, who had suffered so much because of her useless mother. Que... that woman had abandoned her daughter for the children of that creature she called her brother. I hated them both. But I tried not to think about it. We'd called Hang here. I was going to give her everything I had, so that she could take care of herself because her own mother failed to do so.
I thought of Ton. I was going to join you soon, brother. But not just yet. I had to see Hang. At least once more. I couldn't go anywhere before I saw her. I was a stubborn lady, even with death.
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