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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Nyctophobia


What makes us afraid of the dark?
Why
do I tell myself not to look back 
as I walk around at midnight?
Why is the smallest light comforting,
and the chatter of the TV reassuring?
What is it reassuring me of?
Speak to me
oh mechanical creature 
sing to me 
in your many different tones 
the baritone of an anchorman 
the soprano of a show host 
why do you soothe me?
And why do the lamps seem like 
miniature stars? And I a planet? 
What am I running from? 
What tells my heart to fear? 
Why am I terrified of you, darkness?

Because you are either everything
or you are nothing. 
And both are equally horrifying. 


------
Well. While I was writing this, the lights went out. 
And I was listening to a song called 'Daughters of Darkness'.
It was absolutely terrifying. As if the electricity in the building read the poem and decided to play a prank on me. Thanks a lot. 

Estimates of the Subconscious Mind


(This is a draft! I will update this blog entry with the final version soon.)

Dreams are portals into the creative subconscious of a person. In our dreams we see the depths of our thoughts, and face seemingly impossible scenarios as if they’re everyday events. It’s usually said that dreams have meanings behind them, and many things seen in our dreams represent ideas, wishes, desires, or just the imagination of a person. Although dreams tend to be rather ambiguous and have unrealistic happenings, sometimes they feature ideas, scenes, or emotions that make sense to us.
Said Mahran, the main character of Naguib Mahfouz’s novel, The Thief and the Dogs, is obsessed with having revenge on the people he claims to have betrayed him. He is newly released from prison, and the only thing he seems to be doing is plotting his retaliation against his enemies. In chapter 8 of the novel, finding shelter by the side of the Sheikh after killing a man, Said has a dream that is closely related to his current life and emotions.
In his dream, Said first sees himself back in jail, being whipped. This might show how in his unconscious thoughts know that he killed someone and this is a crime, and therefore he must be punished.
Then, he sees his daughter Sana whipping his mentor, Rauf at the bottom of a staircase. I think there are many symbols here. Sana might stand for his desires and yearnings. It was unrealistic of Said to assume a small girl would love him, or even remember him, after 4 years of separation. So from the start, I think Sana stood as an idea: the idea of him reaching his goals and satisfying himself. The image that Rauf is being whipped at the bottom of the staircase might symbolize how Said now thinks that he is better than Rauf, and Rauf will remain below him and be punished. Sana being the one to whip Rauf shows how Said’s passion for revenge will prevail over his betrayers.
The way he starts shooting without a direction is a possible reference to his previous and future murders, where he ended up blindly killing two innocent people. Or perhaps how he’s still searching for a direction to lead his life in, which would relate to how the Sheikh keeps asking for his ID, and he doesn’t seem to have one, or simply refuses to give it.
His participation in a car chase while in a car that does not work shows that no matter how hard he will try to reach his goals, his violence will hold him back. The malfunctioning engine of the car, which would possibly work if he chose to approach his situation in a different way, represents his brutality and inability to control his anger. This idea is supported by the constant mentioning of the Quran, which is most likely expressing how Said’s subconscious desires to be a better person, but he simply will not let go of his detrimental past habits.
This dream is used to expand on Said’s current state, both in the plot and as a person. It’s very interesting to interpret, as it seems to foreshadow events, and also remind the reader of past occurrences. The dream is separated into many parts which make little sense when put together, but it’s easy to understand that it truly is a collection of  Said’s thoughts and feelings… even those he’s not aware of himself, which is the case in many dreams. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

Revenge

A burning heart is a heart that's been consumed by emotions and deprived of all logic. When someone has a burning heart, they are ruled by their feelings, and make decisions without really thinking about their consequences. Said, in The Thief and the Dogs by Naguib Mahfouz, has this problem. His hunger for revenge has blinded him. He cannot understand the fact that in 4 years people can change, and accept that this is simply an inevitable part of life. Just because he refuses to change does not mean everybody around him must stay the same as well. Said is selfish, and refuses to comprehend that the world does not revolve around him, and his relatives are actually separate individuals like himself and not objects that he has possession over. Because of this selfishness, he seeks a revenge he claims will let him find freedom and security. He seems to believe that he is just and right in all matters. Nothing he does is wrong. Even when he learns he's killed an innocent man by accident, he does not react. He is not upset a man is dead, but rather angry that he hasn't succeeded in achieving his vengeance. He's so consumed by this emotions that he convinces himself that his daughter must love him (although it's extremely unlikely she even recalls his face after 4 years) and ignores anything that contradicts this belief. His burning heart keeps pushing him on, and on, to repeat the mistakes he's done in the past. It burns like the sun he wakes up to every morning, and leads him on a fixated, instinctive path, so that he may turn into ashes.