Extended

If I didn't have school
I could paint all day
                cover every wall
                      every inch
                         with a piece of my mind
I could get enough sleep
                 avoid coffee
                     avoid tea
                        avoid sugar
                           and diabetes along with it
I could try cooking
                 learn to survive
                    learn to stand
I could keep up with the news
                 do something about it
I could tell stories
                 share my thoughts
I could play music
                  share my soul
I could have a dog
                and a cat
                  to be friends with my guinea pig
I could go out
                  enjoy the Autumn weather
                    before the snow hits
                      or not
I could rest my soul
                  my mind wouldn't hurt
I could rest my body
                  my back wouldn't hurt
                     my arm wouldn't hurt
I could read
                every book
I could learn
                every opinion
I could do sports
                get healthy
                    get fit
                       so I don't die early
                         so I don't have the back of a 30 year old
                            anymore
If I had time
I would stay in bed
I would feed my stomach
                and my soul
I would live
I would feel alive
I would heal
If I had time
I could master every skill
I could master myself
I could master the world
If I had time

stop lying

stop telling kids evil comes cloaked in black, with horns and smoke
because in the real world evil doesn't come labeled
it comes cloaked in trust
and you can't bear to see it bare
because you never expected it
because evil does not need to name itself
and evil doesn't know its own name

I have broken bones but
suffered no wounds.

I have been lonely but
never been alone.

I have learned that what is real
is not something you can touch
but rather something that touches you.

Tuscany

For some reason unknown, today I thought of my visit to Tuscany. I was there a few years back, and I went unknowing what it was.
A scene really stuck with me.
We visited a farm with a group, and had pasta and wine while staring off at the distance. And what a distance. The farmlands seemed to stretch out forever, while a medieval city marked the horizon line. It was like seeing skyscrapers in the middle of nowhere, only they weren't skyscrapers, but instead stone towers from long ago. Olive trees were lined up with the discipline of a Roman legion, quite fitting as we were indeed in Italy.
I also had 'the World's Best Ice Cream' there, and Italian gelato is famous for a reason.
Now I look back wishing I was brave enough to visit the medieval torture device museums, or went to the city dressed in medieval armor because I felt really out of place in a t-shirt and sneakers.

Introduction and Conclusion to Journals about 'Paradise of the Blind'

I had written the introduction before, but I decided to post them together to see any changes in my thoughts and opinions on the book.

Introduction
Paradise of the Blind, is a book about a young adult named Hang and the problems she faces as she's left between two feuding families. Her uncle Chinh has ruined the lives of her father and aunt. Her mother, Que, seems to be forced to take a side: her brother, or her husband.
I haven't finished the book yet, but I like it so far. Currently the characters have captured my interest, and I'm trying to understand Que's true motives and waiting for her to pick a side. I cannot decide if she is simply a weak-willed character who is easily swayed by manipulative people, or if she submits to her brothers requests because she is holding onto something selfishly in fear that she will lose her family and be left alone.
Currently, my favourite characters are the Bohemian and Aunt Tam. I find the Bohemian interesting because he seems to be neither good nor evil, but he is kind. Also the fact that Hang doesn't refer to him by his real name amuses me. I'm looking forward to seeing his interactions with Hang.
I like Aunt Tam because she is a strong female character, and seeing someone like her in a book about slightly older times is very rare and pleasing. I admire how she appears to be much stronger than her brother, and has reached her goals all on her own. I will write my journal entries from her perspective, because I'd like to learn more about her.


Reflection
Duong Thu Huong's novel, Paradise of the Blind, didn't interest me too much at first. We'd read books that reminded me of this: about family and traditions and food (for example: Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai). What really grasped my attention in the book was the political side, and the characterisations. When I learned what the title meant, that the whole book was basically criticising communism, I was intrigued, because for the whole time I'd thought it was simply a story about a family in Vietnam. Yet it was so much more than that. I started to notice things I hadn't, like how some characters seemed to represent political viewpoints. The family feuds were much bigger than they seemed as well. Chinh and Que seemed to symbolize a side of Vietnam that wanted or gave into communism, and Aunt Tam was one who resisted it and stuck to the old days. Their fight for influence over Hang might have been representing this battle. The 'blind' were the ones who hoped in vain that communism would bring them their paradise.
The presentations in class about the history of Vietnam helped me better understand the story, as before all I knew about the country was its location and that America had had a war there. I found it interesting to learn about a culture so different than anything I'd read about before. Vietnam was not all that similar to China or India as I'd thought it might be. This culture was explained through Hang's elaborate descriptions of food, festivals, opinions, and dialogues between characters about certain events. It was very fun to learn about these things (though 'rice' was probably the most repeated word in the book and it got me thinking how bored I would get if I ate rice as often as these Vietnamese people did).
To write my journal entries for Aunt Tam, I had to read through most of the book again. This way I caught things I'd missed my first time reading through, and I learned much more about the character. She had ambition, hope, and many plans she never talked about until she put them in motion. I tried to capture her possible thoughts as she worked her way from poverty to luxury, and my opinions on her relationship with Hang. I believe she loved Hang, but she also desired to put Hang on the path she wanted, and drive her away from Chinh and Que. She was a mysterious, fair, and inspiring character.
The end of the book really surprised me as well. I liked that in the end Hang kind of went her own way and made her own decisions. She seemed to finally be free from the two women who were constantly trying to pull her one way or the other. I was also very impressed with her skills of dealing with adults who used and manipulated her.
 I enjoyed reading this novel as the author had paced it very well and did not unravel all the mysteries at once. It helped widen my view of the world and educated me on many new things I would most likely not have come across on my own.

Surrender? (Aunt Tam's Journal #9)

I'd been ill for 4 months now. I didn't know what it was. I hadn't gotten ill in 20 years, at least. 

But all of a sudden I had gotten so weak. In the mirror I looked like a skeleton, and my body simply could not contain any food. I was always tired for no reason. I couldn't walk out of bed, I couldn't even sit up without Dua's help. It was utterly demoralizing to be reduced to this. The first two months, I'd been angry with my illness. Dua had to drag me back to bed from the rice paddies many times. I refused to just give up. 

But now it was different. I didn't want to get out of bed ever again. The only time I allowed Dua to lift me out of bed was to go take a bath. I don't know why, but suddenly, the mud and dirt I'd loved for so many years had become repulsing to me. I loved being clean. It was calming to lie in bed after a bath, and I felt like I was floating. 

Yes, I felt very detached. 

I suppose, I just knew I was going to die.

Now all I thought of was Hang. Hang, my dear girl, who had suffered so much because of her useless mother. Que... that woman had abandoned her daughter for the children of that creature she called her brother. I hated them both. But I tried not to think about it. We'd called Hang here. I was going to give her everything I had, so that she could take care of herself because her own mother failed to do so. 

I thought of Ton. I was going to join you soon, brother. But not just yet. I had to see Hang. At least once more. I couldn't go anywhere before I saw her. I was a stubborn lady, even with death. 

Renaissance (Aunt Tam's Journal #8)

"Madame Tam, where shall I place the orchids?"

"Oh, put it by the altar, please."

I didn't look back to check on Dua. I knew she'd do every duty I gave her properly. It had been a very long time since I had trusted anyone so. I suppose it was a nice feeling, to have some sort of company again. 

Que was going to bring Hang, my niece, to me for the first time. We'd been preparing for their visit for a week now, and I spent half of my day at the markets, looking for the best quality meats and fruits, and the other half preparing the house. It was more decorated than usual, and looking at the busy rooms I wondered who I was trying to impress. Was it Que? No, she knew what my house looked like, didn't she? Then was it Hang? But would a child truly care about the beauty of my house? 

I think I was just trying to show Hang the greatness of our family. I knew the poverty she lived in, and I think I just wanted to show her our family was... better. I felt guilty for doing this, but I also knew how Que really wasn't on my side. Ever since Ton had died... no, ever since her brother took everything away from us, Que hadn't truly been a part of our family. But Hang... could be. She had my blood. Our blood. She was family. For the first time in years, I was going to be with my family.

I was in the kitchen, finishing up the preparations when I heard chatter. They had to be here!

I walked out, opening the main door with excitement I hadn't felt in years. My mind completely ignored Dua and Que, and I focused on the child. Fearful, beautiful, so so beautiful. It was like seeing Ton as a little boy again. Just the sight of her warmed my heart, and gave me hope. Life was better. Life was splendid, in fact, and it would just keep getting more and more wonderful. 

Mourning (Aunt Tam's Journal #7)

Something utterly dreadful has happened. I knew that Que was pregnant with Ton's child, and I can't exactly say I was happy about their reunion, but I certainly was glad our family name would continue. Though this confused me greatly, because I also knew that Ton had married another woman and even had two boys with her. I didn't think my brother could ever do such a shameful act.
I suppose I was right in some way. Ton had died. Of illness, they said.
I felt sad at first. But then my stomach clenched in rage knowing that if Ton was with me now, he would never have fallen ill in the first place. I would have taken care of him. I was furious, because my brother had been driven away by unfair idiots claiming to bring justice.
I couldn't sleep at night.
I felt guilt.
I was guilty because I could have told him to come back. I could have forced him to stay. He could have rebuilt our honour with me.
But no. Men are so weak, aren't they? So what if you're ashamed? So was I, but now look where I am.
I think there's more shame in running away than there is in living in suffering. I am proud to have stood here all my life, unmovable like a 1000 year old tree whose roots have grown so thick and long that it simply is impossible to get rid of.
But I still couldn't get any sleep for a few days. Not that I slept much anyways.
I sat by the courtyard, dreaming of the days when Ton and I used to sit here together.
A curious thing loss is. This isn't like losing a house, or rice paddies. I can get those back. You can even reclaim honour, but you can't bring back a life.

A Carcass (Aunt Tam's Journal #6)

 Arriving at our family home when it had finally been given back to me was an interesting experience. I stood by the gate for a few minutes, failing to get this smile off my face. It was mine again. I could do whatever I wished with it, I could grow my rice and fix up the house, and maybe one day Ton would come back and our family would be back to its happy days. I doubted that he could ever get over his shame and show his face, but I still held onto the hope.
 When I entered the garden, my smile disappeared. Weeds had grown everywhere, the trees had died and been left bare without their leaves, and there were no signs of the flowers which once decorated the porch. Dust particles glimmered in the sunlight, as if laughing at me.
 The inside of the house was no better. It looked like an earthquake had broke it apart and a fire had left it ashen and dirty. A nauseating stench filled every room. Parts of the brick walls were missing. Everything was wrecked.
 I heard some clucking noises and walked towards the courtyard to find out what all this was about. I looked through the door to see chickens relaxing on the ground.Why were there chickens in my house?  Wait... where were the beautiful tiles?
 I gritted my teeth. Bich and Nan must have taken them. My blood boiled as I looked through the other rooms.
 I would fix it up. I would make our house beautiful again. I would bring honor to our family. I had our house back, now I would raise enough money to make everything as it was before.
 There's nothing that can motivate me like injustice can.

Rising From the Grave (Aunt Tam's Journal #5)

The sun was setting on my paddy. The already beautiful sight of the fully grown rice was amplified by the red and violet encircling the warm ball of light. It was time to get cleaned up and sleep, until dawn, when I would get back up again with the sun.

As I walked to my hut I saw someone coming my way. It was Phuong, the girl who ran my noodle business for me. She handed me the days earning, and I gave her her pay. Counting my money, I walked into my hut. I organized it in my belt and got cleaned up before bed.
Deciding to take one last look at my paddy to sleep peacefully, I stepped outside. Just at that moment, the daughter of one of the woman whose's rice paddy I work at came running.
"What is it, Cam?" I asked.
"Madame Tam, Madame Tam!" she yelled. I let her catch her breath for a minute. She spoke again:
"These people came to the village! They said they were from this... Team for the Rectification of Errors. They said they're giving back our properties! Yours too, Madame Tam! They're giving back your house and all your fields! Finally, justice has come!"
It took me a moment to compose myself.
Yes! Finally! This torture was coming to an end. I could raise my family name and our honor from the grave. No, it was never buried. Our honor was just a torch, waiting to light a bigger fire. And now it was time.
I could sleep an hour late. Cam and I headed into town to claim our property. 

Book 6 of Virgil's Aeneid

Summary
Aeneas and his crew arrive at Italy. Following his fathers advice he visits the temple of Apollo to pray, where he finds a priestess named Sibyl. He asks Sibyl if she can grant him entrance into the Underworld, and she says this will only be possible if he buries Misenus, and if he finds a golden branch from a tree which has to snap off easily. He returns to Sibyl, having completed the tasks.
When they arrive at the Underworld, they see souls who are not granted entrance because they have not been buried properly. Charon the boatman lets them pass the river when he sees the golden branch.
In the part of the Underworld for people who died in the same of love, he finds Dido. Aeneas tries to speak to the ghost of Queen Dido and tells her that he actually did not want to leave her, but he was following the orders of the gods. Dido ignores him and runs to Sychaeus, her once husband. 

He’s lead by Sibyl through the Underworld. Next they speak to spirits of those who died at war. Aeneas finds Deiphobus, the son of Priam, whose body is torn apart.

From a distance, Aeneas observes Tartarus, the part of the Underworld where the evil are punished. He watches the Fury Tisiphone whip the guilty, as Sibyl explains to him what other creatures and punishments await sinners.

After Aeneas places his golden branch by the gates of Elysium they are granted access. In the Groves of Blessedness, he finds his father Anchises. Anchises shows him all the spirits who will be purified and given another life so they may make Rome prosper. After Aeneas’ soul has been moved and inspired to create Rome, he leaves the Underworld through the ivory gates. 

Epic Simile

Lines 1033-1047

My son, it is beneah his auspices

that  famous Rome will make her boundaries

as broad as earth itself, will make her spirit

the equal of Olympus, and enclose

her seven hills within a single wall,

rejoicing in her race of men: just as

the Berecynthian mother, tower-crowned,

when, through the Phrygian cities, she rides on

her chariot, glad her sons are gods, embraces

a hundred sons of sons, and every one

a heaven-dweller with his home on high.

Quotable Passages

Lines 725-735

Aeneas suddenly looks back; beneath

a rock upon his left he sees a broad

fortress encircled by a triple wall

and girdled by a rapid flood of flames

that rage: Tartarean Phlegethon whirling

resounding rocks. A giant gateway stands

in front, with solid adamantine pillars—

no force of man, not even heavens’s sons,

enough to level these in war; a tower

of iron rises in the air; there sits

Tisiphone, who wears a bloody mantle.

Lines 846-854

They came upon the lands of gladness, glades

of gentleness, the Groves of Blessedness—

a gracious place. The air is generous;

the plains wear dazzling light; they have their very

own sun and their own starts. Some exercise

their limbs along the green gymnasiums

or grapple on the golden sand, complete

in sport, and some keep time with moving feet

to dance and chant.

Muddy Excellence (Aunt Tam's Journal #4)

I was starting to get somewhere.
I was exhausted, yes, from working under the sun for so many hours, and a little frustrated that I didn't get exactly what I deserved for my work, but seeing my own rice seedlings grow gave me a feeling of bliss so unique I would probably never feel it again. I felt happy with my feet in the mud, walking carefully between the delicate, beautiful sprouts. I took off my hat and wiped the sweat off my forehead.
I felt at peace here. I liked work. It distracted my mind from the things that would destroy it. Thinking too much was lethal.
I admired every single seedling. I felt like a mother watching her children play. After almost one year of this lonely suffering, I finally felt pleasant.
After I was done caring for my little green children, I would go to bed for only a few hours, then get up at dawn and get back to work.
No one else I knew put so much work into their rice paddies. But mine were going to be perfect. After all, I couldn't settle for less. Maybe that's more the reason why Chinh brought doom to our family: not because we owned more land, but because he couldn't bear with the fact that we had more passion for greatness than others did. Maybe that's why Ton hasn't come back, because he feels he can never regain this greatness.

A Flashback (Aunt Tam's Journal #3)

It was raining.
Normally, I would have liked the rain. I liked its soft rhythmic tapping. I liked that it spared us the work of watering the flowers. I liked how it puffed our hair up and curled it even more than usual.
Today I hated it. I despised it almost as much as I hate Chinh, and Bich, and Nan, and everybody else who has put me and my family to shame.
I lay in the hut I was hidden in, watching the rain drops beat the floor, crawling in from all the holes in the roof. Each thud made me angrier. I felt like I was going insane. But I would survive. I was stubborn, and it was my greatest trait.
When the rain stops I might go outside to watch the fog and the gray skies. Something about those gives me pleasure. I might go to watch people praying in the next door temple, and hope that Chinh catches a cold from standing under the rain.
After a while sleep took me, and the rain became a lullaby.
Life will get better too. I will fight for it. No matter what I have to do.

Aunt Tam's Journal #2

For a few days I'd been hearing that Que was back. I didn't believe them. Why would she come back? Where had she been?
I passed by her house one day, but the doors were closed. I just assumed she wasn't there, and all the things the villagers were mumbling angrily were just rumors.
She upsets me, of course, but I have no grudge against her. She appears to be just a pawn of her malicious brother.
I wonder where she went. I wonder if she's seen my brother.
I wonder if she's seen that traitor Chinh. Has he poisoned her mind with his corrupted, impossible dreams?

One night, I learned what the villagers were saying was true. She was back. A resentful, raging crowd was trying to burst open her house's front gates.
Should I do something? Should I not?
Was she guilty?

I found myself standing in between the mob and the shelter of her home. I found myself defending her, the poor, pure woman, who had suffered just as much as any of us.
There are some things that cannot be returned. Somethings that are lost cannot be recovered. And what if the thing you lost has a mind of its own? How will you possibly know where he has gone?
And even if you do, how will you ever take him back? With a red bird watching over your shoulder, ready to peck out the eyes of anyone who opposes it, say Que, what will you do? I have hope in you yet.

(Once again I apologize for posting very little, but I will try to write more this week as my arm hurts a little less.)

Aunt Tam's Journal #1

My brother has left. He'll go somewhere safe, I hope.
He's always been kind and caring. I guess it is because of this that he cannot live with this humiliation.
Do men have more honour so that it may be wounded, or are women simply stronger to bear the lashing, I wonder.
I do not know how to act to Que. She is not the one at fault here, but sadly left on the wrong side. If I tell her where my brother Ton is, someone might hear and go after him. I will put my and my family's survival as my biggest priority. I'll bear Chinh's whip of words. I'll pretend to accept what he deems me to be, so that I may live to rebuild our lost honour. Hard times shall pass eventually.
Poor Que. Poor, poor Que. How hard it must be to be in such a dilemma. It appears to be a dilemma, yet she has no choice at all.
Blood of the family runs thick, and her brother is good with words.

They seemed so happy, too... Ton and her... How unfair life can be.

(I'm sorry this is very short but my arm feels like it's going to burn up and fall off whenever I type soooo..)

Reflective Statement: The Thief and the Dogs

The Thief and the Dogs took place in a country I knew very little of. I’d been interested in Egyptian mythology since a younger age, but that wasn’t even close to life in modern Egypt. I didn’t know much about how people were treated based on their genders, religions, or affiliations, and knew nothing of their laws at the time.

As I read the book, I began to learn about the Egyptian culture during the 1950s.  In the text, there were references to the 1952 Revolution in Egypt, and other events and leaders of the time.

Our interactive oral did not necessarily address the current political situations in Egypt, but instead involved a lot of the laws and gender roles. Our class created a model court, where the rightful custodian of Sana was to be chosen by the judge. Each student took the role of either a character, an advocate, the judge, or a UN representative. Being one of the UN representatives, my duty was to make sure the session was faithful to the Declaration of Human Rights. This duty was very beneficial for me because I had to research this Declaration, along with the laws of 1950s’ Egypt.

We generally researched child custody laws, and discovered that the mother has the right to keep her child until the child is of a certain age. But this rule becomes unimportant if the mother has done something against the law. The fact that Nabawiya, Said’s former wife, cheated on him with Ilish Sidra, meant that she could not keep Sana.

The overall process fit the articles of the Declaration of Human Rights, and was very ethical. The only problems were that some witnesses did not get balanced interviews from both sides, and this might come off as unfair. Perhaps our research of Egyptian courts could be more in-depth and detailed.  I was never really familiar with processes in a courtroom, so I would have liked to do more research on that.

The model court was a great experience because although it got frustrating at times, it was a realistic debate situation where you had to listen to everybody carefully to catch any flaws in what the witnesses and advocates say. Overall the process was very useful because I got to learn about a different culture’s laws, which helped grow my understanding of the book itself.