Update (I suppose)

Currently my life seems to be slipping out of my hands, too fast for me to grasp. I feel like my mind is being bombarded with peoples opinions, emotions, and many facts (most of them useless).
I did not make a post on New Year because it seems to have lost its value for me. Another year. So what? It is only a measure of time.
Time. Everybody is clawing at me, trying to take my time. Because they don't have enough themselves. All I want is time for myself. Not time for homework that shouldn't even be homework (seriously, what is class time for? I've noticed teachers aren't using classes that effectively this year...), not time for cleaning my room or doing chores, not time for yelling at adults because they do not understand me (and they can never understand me, because we belong in different timelines, and they cannot accept the fact that the world has moved on). I want time for myself. I want so much time that it's stupid to even try to measure it.
I don't want deadlines. I want to be able to relax when doing a task, and do my best instead of rushing it and doing a mediocre job.

Something interesting:
The MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)
This is basically a personality test which describes your personality in 4 words.
Mine (depending on a test I took online) is INFJ. My 4 words are:

• Introverted (quite extremely)
• Intuitive
• Feeling
• Judging

A description I liked of this personality type is "They like poetic justice." which is quite true. Also, they are artistic ( ;) ). INFJ is known as 'The Protector'. 

As I enjoy horoscopes (though I don't believe them) I enjoy personality tests as well, and this one is rather accurate, so I recommend people to take a free test just for the fun of it. 

I don't have much more to say. I'm sorry this was quite a random blog entry.

I will be posting much more content related to class next week. I did not post much in the holiday because I was angrily working on my comic (painting takes a long, long time) and oversleeping to waste half my day. 

Clinging to the Impossible

Here is my essay about the poem below and The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder. I finally typed it up, and didn't change anything except a spelling error near the end. 

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'I Saw a Man Pursuing the Horizon'

I saw a man pursuing the horizon;

Round and round they sped.

I was disturbed at this;

I accosted the man.

"It is futile," I said,

"You can never—"

"You lie," he cried,

And ran on.

Stephen Crane (1871-1900)

   Stephen Crane's poem, "I Saw a Man Pursuing the Horizon", talks about a man trying to reach the horizon, ignoring the fact that it is an impossible task. The man accuses the narrator/poet of lying to him  when he is told that his mission is in vain. He truly believes he can reach the horizon, and this belief clouds his mind from the unfortunate, scientific truth. The world is round, and the man will run after his goal forever, never being satisfied.

   The first thing that I think of when I try to link this poem to the Bridge of San Luis Rey, is the Marquesa. Like the man in the poem, the Marquesa has a dream that makes everything else in her life lose importance. She pursues the love of her daughter. She is so obsessed with this imaginary bond she wants to have with her daughter that she ignores every single thing around her. She does not notice Pepita, how the public teases her, or how her maids steal from her house. And until she learns about Pepita's letter, she cannot be convinced that all she believes in is impossible, and she has to observe other things around her other than her daughter.

   Secondly, Uncle Pio comes to mind. His impossible dream revolves around the elegant Camila Perichole. Although their relationship is very complicated, Uncle Pio loves her in some way. He believes he has made Camila who she is, and I think he likes having control over such a great woman. He wants to please her, and be loved and respected by her, and have some sort of effect on her life at all times. He does not only run after her, but also what he thinks she could become. Even after the Perichole leaves to live in her own house far away from everything, he finds her and tries to talk to her, no matter how often she rejects him. He is worried because his connection with her is cut off. He cannot accept the fact that Camila wants to be her own person and make her own decisions, and therefore keeps running after her like a lost puppy.

   The poem could also relate to Esteban and Manuel. When Manuel's leg is infected, and Esteban has to apply the painful treatment procedure, they are both chasing the weak hope that Manuel will be alright. I don't think any patient would want to go through such pain, and no man would want to cause a loved one the torture, unless they truly believed the patient would make it through. This incident made them forget their bickering about Camila Perichole, and really concentrate on each other; two halves of a whole. And yet it was all a happy dream. The light of their hope was put out by the closing of Manuel's eyes, his eyelids like curtains being pulled across a stage at the end of a play named "Life and All My Dreams". 

   The biggest example of this is Brother Juniper. He believes that the people who died on the accident on the Bridge of San Luis Rey, were all meant to be there. He thinks it was done on purpose by God, and they were all fated to die there on that day. He believes in this so much that he spends years of his life researching the incident, writing a book about it, and later on being killed for his belief.

   All the characters in the book have this false hope, this "futile" goal they pursue, which corrupts them and their vision of the world. They are so obsessed with one light, that they can only see the starts after it is extinguished. They can never be satisfied as long as their faith in their ideas continues to block their view. They will forever run after their purposes unless they gain another one, like how the man in the poem will run on and on until his legs will not carry him. 

Review of the Desolation of Smaug

Dwarves, little men with hairy feet, rings, precious things, and dragons. Yes, I’m talking about Middle Earth. With the release of The Desolation of Smaug, we were brought back into this world of wonders once again.  

The Hobbit (aka. There and Back Again) is a novel by J.R.R. Tolkien published in 1937. Although it is a prologue of the famous The Lord of the Rings series, its first movie came out only last year. Though this was not a problem, because The Lord of the Rings really set the stage and introduced the audience to the vast universe of Middle Earth and gave us plenty of background information, while The Hobbit was much more specific as it concentrated on dwarves and hobbits.

The Desolation of Smaug was the second movie of the planned trilogy. It is an adaption of chapters 7 to 13.

The movie was impressive with all the beautiful and sometimes terrifying scenery, realistic make up and props, and how the mass of characters was handled (although I have to say I cannot possibly identify all the dwarves by name).

The Hobbit was originally going to be adapted into 2 movies, but it was later on decided that it would be another trilogy. Now this… created a slight problem. Does The Hobbit have enough content to make all of these 3 movies enjoyable? The Lord of the Rings was made into 3 movies, because the long story of 6 parts was separated into 3 books, each book being approximately 300-400 pages. But The Hobbit is only 1 book of 350 pages. The length of these movie adaptations might be a little too much for only one book, and even with extra stories added from Middle Earth lore, can seem forced. I think this was the biggest problem with The Desolation of Smaug. I was not satisfied at the end of the movie, and felt like someone had offered me a million dollars and then taken it back, saying “Sorry, you have to wait one year to get this!”. It was almost painful to exit the theatre knowing the exciting plot I hadn’t gotten to see. Also, The Hobbit is a book for children. It’s a mystery if it was ever meant to match the greatness of The Lord of the Rings.

The changes to the plot affected the movie for both the better and the worse. Sometimes I found I was extremely confused about things going on. The insertion of many side plots may make the last movie complicated and unclear, as it’s inevitable for the audience to forget many details in following year. The viewers might get distracted with all the different characters who weren’t originally in the book, and actually forget about one of the main characters: Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin’s personality didn’t seem to be a big focus, and this was quite disappointing. Though I quite enjoyed the events involving the female elf, Tauriel. I was quite happy to see a female hero saving all these bearded men and I believe many others are pleased to have a character they can relate to.

Something that was missing in the movie was all the poetry in the books. Bilbo and the dwarves sang plenty of songs that helped explain more of the story, and is a defining feature of Tolkien’s writing.

Overall, the movie was well paced and fun to watch. Although the end was a slight disappointment for people who had read the books, it was a clever cliffhanger that will keep everybody waiting eagerly for December 2014. I recommend it to anybody who likes fantasy and dragons. Especially dragons. Because Smaug was probably why I went to see the movie in the first place.

Is this what living is?

I heard a noise
behind the clatter of my boots
and the scraping of my bag against my leg.
I slowed down
and cleared
my head.
I could hear the leaves of the trees
rustling rhythmically
and the wind
singing ominously
Ominous but calming
like nature was casting a curse
you simply had to accept.
And my breath was foggy
and rapid
and my lips like ice after wetting them habitually
I felt like a part of it all
And the spell was broken
with the opening of a door.

♂ = ♀

For the past few days a bunch of people have been coming to me to ask if I'm a 'hardcore feminist' or making jokes about how women belong in the kitchen.
I find this quite infuriating and I hope this blog entry clarifies some things about feminism.
Yes, I am a feminist and I am proud to be one.
But I really don't think people understand what feminism is.
Although it has the femi- at the beginning of the word, feminism is not believing women are superior to men. That's called sexism. Men can be sexist. Women can be sexist too.
Feminism is believing both genders are equal. Feminism is against sexism. 

Once, I was told that there is no need for feminism anymore. By a male.
Here are a few reasons I need feminism: (these do not apply to everything do not take them personally...unless they apply to you)

• Men are passing laws about abortion. I'm sorry but unless they have a womb and can carry a baby in themselves for 9 months I don't think they're ones to make choices about this. 
• When a man is involved with many women he is looked up to, but when a women is involved with many men she is considered promiscuous and not in a good way. 
• Rape. Women are blamed for getting raped. We are expected to not wear revealing clothing but the rapist is not expected to have self control. 
• The female body is overly sexualised.
• Most women are expected to cook, know how to clean a house and do chores, be sweet and polite, and to look good.
• I'm not allowed to wear shorts in school because it's deemed inappropriate, by, guess who, men. 
• I have to watch what I wear or the way I sit because of social standards. 
• I am also expected to take very good care of my hygiene but it's okay for a guy to stink of sweat all year and wear the same clothes every day. 
• Women are considered weak for showing emotions. 
• Women who do not want to do what a male wants are considered crazy, rude, or arrogant.
• Men are insulted when they are called 'girls' or swear words which have female meanings. 
• Most leaders of countries are male. Most politicians are male. 
• The song 'Blurred Lines'. Do not watch the video. 

And the list goes on. 

I understand if people are joking to me about male superiority. I sometimes make sexist jokes myself. But that's all they are. Jokes. Sexism is a sick joke. But not everybody realizes it's there. 

I hope this is at least slightly helpful in understanding why I'm a feminist and why it's nothing to be made fun of. 

Cheerio.

Misfortune

Most people get colds, sprain their ankles, break bones, and have common illnesses/problems like that.
Me? I get the oddest, least common things ever, and usually learn about the existence of my disease when I get it.
This time, I apparently have tendonitis, which according to my Mac's dictionary is : inflammation of a tendon, most commonly from overuse.

So basically my right arm gave up on me because I used it too much. Now I'm not supposed to use it for 4-5 days (I'm writing this with my left hand which is extremely uncomfortable). Funny thing is I told this to a teacher and she agreed that I shouldn't use it...but after assigning an essay homework. Well I guess this is good practice for my dream to be ambidextrous.

I wanted to write a blog entry about something else, more important and class related after a month hiatus, but sadly I cannot. 

Oh also, my workload has caused me an actual disease!! Next time I get a big assignment I have a legitimate reason to complain.

Poetry

I might have mentioned my little green poetry notebook before, but if I didn't:

It's a pocket-sized notebook where I write poems from the perspective of a character. His name is Dave, he is a high school senior when the notebook begins, and continues onto college as it goes. He also has a rather harsh life and poetry and music are his ways of escaping from it all. 

Here is a poem I wrote in this notebook in Brooklyn Bridge Park (yes, he lives in Brooklyn) while I was at Pratt. It's always fun asking random people for rhyming words as you travel along the mysterious rat infested holes of the subway. It's rather simple. 

Sad Summer Day

Brooklyn weather:

Don't wear leather.

You will burn,

Sun tan earn.

Oh boy, summer,

Makes you dumber.

Got no aim, 

Everyday the same.

Lonely and sweaty,

Lifespan petty. 

This is a photo I took while I was there :) 

Here is another one. 

5 A.M.

My insomnia has lasted 

too long;

I need some medicine

for a good long sleep

with no waking.

Morpheus take me,

give me sweet eternal dreams. 

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The reason I don't always share these poems is they seem rather personal to him and might sound odd coming from me, but I might publish some I like later.